Updated: Feb 22
As a kid, I was bullied a lot, not by other kids but actually by my own parents, which was kind of soul-destroying and a real confidence killer. Growing up you would expect your parents to be there for you and want the best for you but my parents, they were far from the good parents you would expect most kids to have. They were more inclined to be judgemental and abandon you in a time of need, especially if you did something they felt made them look bad.
This judgemental behaviour even reached over into the way I looked, the way I dressed, what I ate, which made me super insecure about myself and body. My father would make comments about me getting fat, despite me always being really skinny. Since my teenage years, I have weighed around 62kg (136 lb), barely gaining or losing weight even to this day, I still weigh just over 136 lb.
I was also judged for not having enough pride in my appearance, meaning I didn't wear enough makeup or tiny skirts like other girls my age. Everything was about the image with my father, he even made comments about my non-interest in the guys around our area. I honestly wasn't looking to be in a relationship, at the time I was more focused on my education but according to my father, my priorities were wrong.
Now I am an adult, I am still to this day learning to let go of all their judgements that after years of putting up with have dug deep into my mind and still find a way to come back to the surface to make me question myself and most aspects of my life but I am determined to push past that and not let my past rule over my present. I want to embrace myself for who I am and love my body the way it is. I am focusing on my passions and what makes me happy and one of those passions is art. I have always been an art lover, you would have to drag me out of the art room at recess when I was at school as I would rather be painting that out in the schoolyard gossiping.
It started with some simple comic style art pieces in highschool for an exhibition but this love of painting turned into a love of photography, particularly portrait photography. Many times I have been behind the camera taking the photographs but I have never been confident enough to be in front of it, not in an intimate and exposed way, but I have always wanted to. I love the human form and the amazing intimate portrait photography that I have seen from some inspirational models and photographers alike.
The truth is that I was always scared, scared of how it would change the way people see me, the overall judgment from others about who I am and the appearance of my body, but I am 30 years old now and it's time to stop caring what others think. It's a new year and I am taking back my self-confidence and doing something for me this year, I am taking the leap and going to bare all in my own intimate photography that I will be sharing right here on this blog for all to see.
At first, I will be offering exclusive portraits to my wonderful Tier 3 Twitch Subscribers as a way to say thank you for helping me to fund this new part of my life and at a later date, I want to open a store right here on this blog for other prints and other creations that I will make. The reason I chose to support this endeavour through Tier 3 subs at first instead of something like Patreon or Onlyfans which is currently really popular for this type of content, is because the community that I have already built around my Twitch channel has been so supportive of me and helped me to be more confident in myself and the direction I want to go with not only my stream but my blog and interests outside of Twitch as well.
If you are interested in helping to support this new part of my life please know I fully intend for all my photography to be elegant in nature, I am doing this for myself and because I love the beauty in this style of art. I have no interest in creating works that would be suitable for the likes of adult sites, I'm not that kind of girl.
I look forward to creating wonderful things with and for this amazing community now and in future.